A poem for Bob

I do the things we used to share
But I always lament that you're not there
My days are filled with endless chores
All that were mine and all that were yours

No longer do I cook your favorite meal
For with you gone, it's no big deal
There is no one to cheer my success
 Or help me to clean up the mess

When the pain of sadness brings
Memories of long forgotten things
The memories I cherish the very most
Was when we were so very close

Forgive me that I must shed some tears
For the loss of you after all these years
The Lord is my constant companion now
Before his throne I often bow

I eat, I sleep, I work, I cry
and surprisingly the days go by
But they will never again be the same
This sorrow I must learn to tame

Oh Lord, be with me through this grief
I only ask for some relief
Hold me ever in your hands
And help me understand your plans!

Missing Bob

The last week has been particularly difficult. I have cried as much this week, if not more, than when Bob first died. I'm not sure the exact cause of it, except I think the shock of it all is wearing off, and the reality of it is hitting me. I can't tell you how many times a day I have a thought like; "Oh, I have to tell Bob about this, he'll love it", or "I have to get home, Bob is waiting for me". Then the reality hits, there is no one to go home to (except my dog, Gabby), there is no one to tell. Still, I have so much in my life. First and foremost; my Savior, Jesus Christ. I wouldn't have have made it through this without Him by my side. Secondly, my kids, who are so supportive and loving. Third, friends (that I haven't had much time for during the last few years, but am now reconnecting with), lastly; a job I enjoy doing. God has been good to me. When I start to have a pity party I remember what Haiti was like, or what others are going through. Phil. 2:3-8 says "with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves, do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-sevant, and being made in the likeness of men, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross". My prayer is that in spite of this grief, I can focus on loving and helping others and telling them about Christ. I need help in this endeavor. If you read this blog, please pray for me during this difficult time.

Haiti in the rearview mirror

I've been home from Haiti for 4 weeks. It was an experience that changed my life forever. It's almost impossible to see things the way I did before. I have a new "normal". I no longer take for granted being able to drive down to Kaiser and just walk in if I need healthcare. I no longer take for granted opening a refrigerator with food in it, or turning on a faucet with running water (not to mention hot water in the shower). These are simple things that people in Haiti do not have. They are thankful to have a meal of rice and beans each day. They are thankful if Samaritan's Purse or another christian organization has a health clinic running that they can take a sick child to. They are so thankful for what Jesus did on the cross for them, and they sing for 4 hours in their church services to worship Him. My physcial wealth has often lead to my spiritual poverty. It is something I will be on the guard against the rest of my days. Nothing else in this life compares to knowing Christ or experiencing His grace and mercy in my life. Thank you Father for the sacrifice of your Son for me!